February is often called the month of love since it includes the celebration of Valentine’s Day. I love the subject of love. It gives me that warm and fuzzy feeling. Love is the kind of word that that brings out so much. It inspires many emotions, reflections, sentiments, and thoughts. What is love? How do we show we love another person or ourselves? Does it mean that we love someone when we are helpful and supportive? Or does it have to involve flowers and potentially expensive gifts?
I like to think of myself as a helpful, supportive, and heart-centered person. I will be the one to offer a lift to a friend (even if the destination is not on my way home) or stay on the phone all night, even if I have to wake up very early the next morning. I like to offer support to those who may be feeling overwhelmed or sad, even if that overwhelms and saddens me. I show my love that way.
My recent reflection, however, led me to a deeper level of discernment about love when I heard the words: you can be helpful to others–but you are not their savior. This hit me like a ton of truth bricks. I am not a savior! Ok then. So that means…
I have not been placed on earth to control, save, or push anyone in any given direction. I actually don’t always know better. I’m just a human being doing the best I can every day.
Whether we are taking care of elderly parents, parenting our own children, or supporting a good friend, paying attention to the delicate balance between support and life-savor syndrome can be a very eye-opening experience. Love is a natural expression of our true nature. When we connect with others or ourselves, love comes from a place of presence and understanding.
To truly love, we can offer support and kindness without the attachment of thinking we must “save” anyone, including ourselves. Love isn’t about rescuing others or fixing them—it’s about recognizing their innate wisdom and the power within them, just as we recognize the same within ourselves. From this space of clarity and understanding, we can show up with compassion, knowing that everyone has the ability to tap into their own insight and wisdom. In this way, love becomes a gift of presence, not expectation. It may sound like a bunch of theories or nice words, but when you practice it, boy, is it powerful. Pay attention to your definition of love.
My recent work led me to relisten to previous Dream it! Dare it! Do it! podcast episodes like the one with Mavis Karn in Season 2, where she discusses the perfection of just being. As a counselor, educator, and consultant in private practice, she spent over 45 working with individuals, families, businesses, hospitals, schools, prisons, government agencies and treatment centers doing what she loves to do.
When she left her job, working with young offenders, she offered them a letter, a gift from her heart about life. We can do the same for a parent, an estranged sibling, or a friend. We can savor the gentle nudges pointing to the importance of connection, humility, and the ability to love deeply when we are free of judgment.